Breastfeeding is not so easy!

My breastfeeding journey started over 9 years ago and it was a disaster!! Ps:this is a long story☺️

When I found out I was pregnant with my oldest I was ao excited to become a mum! The breastfeeding, the unmeasurable love, the friend for life La Di Da! As soon as he was born I tried to get him to latch and he tried but wasn’t happy! “He hated me! I wasn’t a real mum! He will never thrive” all these thoughts rushing through my mind! The nurse handed me a pre-mixed formula bottle and he drank it! I kept trying to breastfeed but he wouldn’t just scream and cry! I was so disappointed in myself. I started expressing milk with a hand pump and I hated it but I had to try my best for my baby. My mum was staying with us but had to leave after a month and then I was all alone! A new mum, taking care of my house, making food etc and I just couldn’t do it anymore so I stopped expressing and only did formula. I started feeling down and sad. I was depressed! I felt like a let down, like I wasn’t a good mum because I couldn’t feed my baby! I was a failure!

After all this mind mess we had alot of house mess, moving around from place to place till we moved to Mitcham, Southwest London where I met some lovely ladies, one which is my best friend till now. A few years passed and we decided to move up to Wolverhampton, West Midlands. My dad moved in with us from Portugal because he had cancer and we could help him better here in the UK. December 2016 he passed away and 4 days later I found out I was pregnant with the middle child. Yes, 4 days later! I was so sad and miserable. If only I’d done the test a few days earlier I could tell my dad. He would be so happy! It took me a few months to settle down and stop feeling sad and start getting excited about the pregnancy.

My second baby was born in July 2017 and I was determined to breastfeed him! I did for a few months while also expressing and giving him milk in a bottle. It was supposed to help me and make it easier but it didn’t! It was the opposite! He got used to the bottle because he didn’t have to work so much for the milk to come. So slowly my milk supply decreased and I was getting down again. This time I was sad about my dad passing, him not meeting baby number 2 and me still not succeeding with breastfeeding. The feeling of being a failure and a terrible mum came back! Luckily I had a bunch of ladies I’d met at playgroups that helped me and gave me loads of support & love!

I thought I was done having kids but obviously God had other plans! So 2019 I found out I was pregnant and to my surprise a girl!! Another chance to breastfeed and hopefully do it right!! Baby was born during a pandemic lockdown and against all odds she latched on and stayed on! She was a breastfeeding superstar lol!

Baby is 9months old already and still breastfeeding!! She hates pacifier and bottles! She’s doing amazing and so are the boys! I did the best I could and even though I thought it wasn’t enough, It was! I wasn’t a failure! And I’m a great mum!!!

I hope to inspire and support other mums as much as I can to breastfeed and to make sure that if that isn’t possible, to make sure they don’t feel the same I did!! The fact that you are doing the best for your baby, no matter what it is, means you are an amazing mum!!! You rock!! Breastfeeding is not easy! It is not natural to everyone! Post partum depression is real and anyone can have it!!! And everyone needs help & support!!

2 thoughts on “Breastfeeding is not so easy!

  1. Breastfeeding can be so difficult especially if your not in the right frame of mind. You have done an AMAZING job with all of the kiddies and I’m so proud of you!!

    Liked by 1 person

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