Bittersweet day

Back to nursery!

I’ve been so nervous these last few days about my 3yo restarting nursery. The school was sending his homework every monday which was great but he definitely missed his friends and routine at nursery.

This whole Covid-19 scares me truthfully. I would hate for anyone I know to catch it and get really ill, specially my children. Hopefully now that the levels are lower its safer to send kids to school. The 9yo is starting on the 8th of March like most kids which is good. I think we all need a bit of normality back.

He’s had 2 days back so far and he’s so much more happier and less annoyed. He will tell me who he played with and what activities he’s done. His speech was a bit delayed and now it’s so much better. You would think that being at home and talking with us and doing activities would be enough but theres a need for stricter routine and different ways of learning while playing that I wouldn’t even think about but that works for kids.

The house had been quieter, not tidier thanks to the baby but we definitely miss him during those 3 hours and we are so happy to see him and let him tell us all about his day with his friends and teachers.

3 musketeers ❤️

As a mum I will forever try my best for my kids in every aspect of their lives. And after months of being quarantined at home we all need a bit of normality and after the PMs timeline we are all filled with hope for better days❤️

Love at first sight❤️

Madeira 2009

Since I was about 16/17 I’ve been working during summer holidays because in Portugal it’s 3months holiday! Imagine that here in the UK!! Crazy! So in 2009 I went to the island airport to look for work at the cafe/restaurant and I went to the departures area which was upstairs on the 2nd floor and got an interview there. The manager seemed ok and gave me job! I was so excited. At the end of the interview he warned me about this guy that works there that was horrible to people and made all the girls there cry. I never liked being told not to do something, i wanted to see if it was true.

Anyway first day on the job and I went to the office area to get changed and walked past the restaurant area where there was a guy cleaning tables and when I looked at him and he looked at me he dropped his tray of plates/glasses and I thought he was clumsy. As I went behind the counter I looked at him again and got so flustered I knocked down some stuff from the counter and felt so embarrassed!☺️🙈

The next day he came to work and stopped at my station which was a tiny little cafe where only I worked and he was talking to the manager and smiling at me. When he left my manager warned me again:”Thats Marco! Don’t bother talking to him!”

A few hours later on his break he came to my station again and chatted with me and he had a chocolate muffin and said he would share with me! I thought it was sweet of him and thinking about it now he hates chocolate cake so it was obviously for me. Cheeky!

He gave me the dumbest chat up that I only realised how dumb I was a few years after! Because I was in my station alone and without a landline phone to call the other station/restaurant I had to wait for someone to come so I can take my break/lunch/toilet. Anyway he said “gimme your number so you can call me for your breaks!” 🤣🤣🤣 well obviously after that we were texting all the time. He use to drive me home(total opposite direction to where he lived).

My manager started to notice that we were friends and made up some lie about us dating(we werent yet) and called me for a meeting. He said I was breaking company policy by wearing acrylic nails, which I did because I knew other girls had them too, and because I was dating another member of staff. He made me sign a paper to say I’d accept being fired which was a lie. The paper actually was me giving in my resignation! The lying bastard!

While I was working at that cafe, the owner of the other cafe on the arrivals area downstairs had been trying to convince me to work for him but I wasnt interested. So after being ‘fired’ I went downstairs to ask for a job and he hired me on the spot! I started the very next day. My ex-manager was shocked when he arrived for work the next day and saw me at his rival cafe. I waved and smiled at him! I felt so good!

Me and Marco had our first date at that airport on a Sunday 21st of June 2009. And our first kiss! We’ve been together ever since ❤️ Through good and bad times. But stronger and stronger together.

Our first picture together ❤️

Breastfeeding is not so easy!

My breastfeeding journey started over 9 years ago and it was a disaster!! Ps:this is a long story☺️

When I found out I was pregnant with my oldest I was ao excited to become a mum! The breastfeeding, the unmeasurable love, the friend for life La Di Da! As soon as he was born I tried to get him to latch and he tried but wasn’t happy! “He hated me! I wasn’t a real mum! He will never thrive” all these thoughts rushing through my mind! The nurse handed me a pre-mixed formula bottle and he drank it! I kept trying to breastfeed but he wouldn’t just scream and cry! I was so disappointed in myself. I started expressing milk with a hand pump and I hated it but I had to try my best for my baby. My mum was staying with us but had to leave after a month and then I was all alone! A new mum, taking care of my house, making food etc and I just couldn’t do it anymore so I stopped expressing and only did formula. I started feeling down and sad. I was depressed! I felt like a let down, like I wasn’t a good mum because I couldn’t feed my baby! I was a failure!

After all this mind mess we had alot of house mess, moving around from place to place till we moved to Mitcham, Southwest London where I met some lovely ladies, one which is my best friend till now. A few years passed and we decided to move up to Wolverhampton, West Midlands. My dad moved in with us from Portugal because he had cancer and we could help him better here in the UK. December 2016 he passed away and 4 days later I found out I was pregnant with the middle child. Yes, 4 days later! I was so sad and miserable. If only I’d done the test a few days earlier I could tell my dad. He would be so happy! It took me a few months to settle down and stop feeling sad and start getting excited about the pregnancy.

My second baby was born in July 2017 and I was determined to breastfeed him! I did for a few months while also expressing and giving him milk in a bottle. It was supposed to help me and make it easier but it didn’t! It was the opposite! He got used to the bottle because he didn’t have to work so much for the milk to come. So slowly my milk supply decreased and I was getting down again. This time I was sad about my dad passing, him not meeting baby number 2 and me still not succeeding with breastfeeding. The feeling of being a failure and a terrible mum came back! Luckily I had a bunch of ladies I’d met at playgroups that helped me and gave me loads of support & love!

I thought I was done having kids but obviously God had other plans! So 2019 I found out I was pregnant and to my surprise a girl!! Another chance to breastfeed and hopefully do it right!! Baby was born during a pandemic lockdown and against all odds she latched on and stayed on! She was a breastfeeding superstar lol!

Baby is 9months old already and still breastfeeding!! She hates pacifier and bottles! She’s doing amazing and so are the boys! I did the best I could and even though I thought it wasn’t enough, It was! I wasn’t a failure! And I’m a great mum!!!

I hope to inspire and support other mums as much as I can to breastfeed and to make sure that if that isn’t possible, to make sure they don’t feel the same I did!! The fact that you are doing the best for your baby, no matter what it is, means you are an amazing mum!!! You rock!! Breastfeeding is not easy! It is not natural to everyone! Post partum depression is real and anyone can have it!!! And everyone needs help & support!!